This is a story about the
Master Potter and his mysterious ways of restoration. When the Japanese mend
broken objects, such as broken pottery, they would distinguish and glorify the
damage by filling in the cracks with gold. They believe when something has
suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.
God too works with Gold, his
healing color of grace, light, mercy, truth and love. Tales of two broken pieces of Motherhood miraculously
bonded together by the Gold of God’s promises… We are hard pressed on every
side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not
abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
***
It’s Winter break and a 17-year-old
girl finds herself at a college party.
She has no cares in the world - the only thing on her mind is having
fun. She is getting close to finishing up her junior year of high school and
then she will be a senior! Just one more year after that and she is outta there!
Maybe to this college? Maybe to another state all together? She fantasizes
about living close to the ocean, perhaps studying Marine Biology. It doesn’t
really matter… whatever path she takes – it will be one far away from here! She
will finally be able to go out into
the world and explore and find her way for herself, no parents controlling her
every move. No one telling her what to think or how to act. For those very
reasons, her parents don’t even know that right this very moment she is a 2-hour
drive from home partying with College kids she has never met before.
A month later, the
unthinkable has happened. This 17-year-old girl full of dreams for her future
realizes she is pregnant. Her mind has
never even imagined herself as a mother – not this young. Not this
way. But here she is, pregnant, scared, alone. Her mind is spinning out of
control. Who can she talk to? With shame and regret and terror she acknowledges
to herself she doesn’t even know the name of the father. He was older, what,
like 5 years? It was all such a blur now. Did he go that college or was he just
at the party like her? She thinks
he had blonde hair – he was tall….. strong…. Handsome… but it was so dark. Only
flashes of the night come through.
That day she makes up her
mind. The only thing she can do is run away, have her baby in secret and give
it up for adoption. She needs to make her plans quickly, before anyone finds
out. She vows her parents will never know. Her dreams of freedom have suddenly been
traded for the chains of her reality. She has become a mother. She will now
forever be a mother. When the day arrives for her baby to come into the world,
she makes the ultimate sacrifice to give her away. Her dreams are now for her
baby, that she will never hold. That was the day she finally split into two.
What had started out as a hairline crack 9 months ago has turned into a jagged
edge, broken, separate. She names her broken piece “Motherhood”.
***
Meet another young girl – she
is 18. She is in love, newly married to her high-school sweetheart and full of
dreams for their life together and building a family. Reality comes crashing in
when after a routine doctor’s appointment she is told she will never be able to
have children of her own.
She does her best to fill her
life with other ambitions, being a good wife… helping her husband get through
college, then through Grad school. She pursues developing her own career and
cultivating her friendships and hobbies. But after years and years go by the
emptiness of her unfilled hope remains. So together, her husband and her decide
to pursue adoption.
Their first baby comes
quickly – a beautiful healthy girl. So they decide to make their family
complete and adopt for a second and final time. Their second baby girl arrives
healthy and loved and cherished in the heart of her new mother who never for 1
second thinks of this child as anything but her own. She now feels complete.
Her deepest desire to become a mother has been fulfilled. And just as she
starts to settle in to her new role, the Lord blesses her with a child of her
own growing in her womb! Her dreams of her perfect family have come to
fruition… within four years she has 3 babies: her 2 girls and her baby boy. She
has made it out of her desert of desperation she wandered from age 18 to 38.
But then just three short years later from giving birth to her own child - her
marriage of 25 years falls apart as her husband walks out the door. All of her
dreams of family and marriage and motherhood smash to the floor. She is a
mother now. She will always
be a mother. But she is left to raise her babies alone. She tells herself she
is broken.
***
These are two stories of
motherhood I wanted to share with you because they have come together in the
Master Potter’s hands to form who I am today…. These are portraits of pieces of
both of my mother’s lives.
I was the baby of the scared 17-year-old
girl whom in God’s perfect timing placed me in the loving arms of my mother as
her adopted second child. The Gold of God’s love fused the 3 of us together for
life. Both of these girls had their own conceived “perfect” plans for their
lives. But the Lord works in mysterious ways. Their plans, just like the
Japanese pottery – were damaged.
And just as God’s word’s
tells us we are but jars of clay – fragile and broken..
hard pressed on every side,
but not crushed;
perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted but not abandoned;
struck down, but not
destroyed
Their stories have taught me
even though the cracks of life continue to form in our hopes, dreams, hearts and
plans for our own life… the story
isn’t over…the masterpiece isn’t complete…
God promises his light in our
hearts and HIS healing power to restore…
He can and will be faithful
to fill our cracks with Gold.
Remember the beauty is found
when something has suffered damage and has a history … not from its perfection.
Because in our weakness, He is
strong!
This is my story of the broken,
beautiful pieces of Motherhood.
“For
God made his light shine in our hearts… But we have this treasure in jars of
clay to show that his all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are
hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”
2 Corinthians 4:6-9
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