She
was a quiet and attentive listener, this passenger of mine. She didn’t say much but when she did it was
affirming and intuitive. She had a
gentle spirit that conveyed complete acceptance of everything I told her which
encouraged me to open up more the longer I was with her. I knew that everything I said to her would
stay in the car, between us. I knew that
she had no preconceived judgments towards me or anyone I spoke of. I knew that with her, on this new journey, I
was safe.
I
told her a lot about my old road, starting back from as far as I could
remember. I discovered that at times in
my past, I was driving through the desert and had experienced expanses of
mirages brought on by drought and heat and fatigue. I became aware of this as she guided me along
parallel paths to my old road. During
these times she offered to drive so that I could look out the window and
observe my old road as a passenger. This
allowed me to focus, reflect, and truly see my previous path and landscape for
what it was; for its beauty; its pain; its truth. We stayed parallel to my old road for many
miles covering years of my past.
We
went through new territory together, as she had never been on this exact road
either. But going through it together made
it possible for me to continue on. There
were unexpected potholes along the way… big ones. Potholes like exploding punches to the
stomach that caused me to pull over to the nearest pit-stop so that I could simply
regain breath. I was always able to resume
my course, sensing within myself that I was growing…changing. Encouraged by feeling the pain, rather than
the numbness I so often felt on my old road.
With
each new pothole, I found myself relating to a pothole from my old road. With each passing mile I found myself
reconciling with the pains and hurts from the past. Eventually, to my surprise, I found myself
beginning to enjoy the new road. I found
an unexpected peace in the unknown and a new excitement in forging ahead. I was actively creating a new way for myself,
rather than coasting along on cruise control on my old, too familiar road.
We
finally came across a sign stating that a major intersection was ahead in two
miles. Feeling confident and proud, I
looked over at my passenger and saw that she was smiling back at me. As we approached the intersection I was at
last able to see the sign with the name of this new road I had been traveling on. It read The
Road to Personal Discovery. There
also, alongside the new sign, was the exit to my old road. I stopped just before the intersection and
with a final nod of encouragement and confirmation, my passenger silently
slipped out her door. I knew that if I
ever needed her, I could find her right at that exact spot. This final choice of what road to take was
mine to make, and mine alone.
I
looked down at the map that was placed where my passenger just sat. This new road indeed wasn’t on the map, but I
made the decision to pioneer ahead on this path that I once mistakenly found
myself on. This time was different. I was conscious of my choice. I was alive in spirit and embracing my life
for what it had been and for all that I knew it would become.
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