“`You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, `Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Luke 10:27 (NLT)
~
The two of us a half
together we make a whole.
Forever…
together…
wherever we go.
I laugh, you cry, together we get mad.
You think its OK, I think it’s good
but together we decide it’s bad.
Without you I’d be lost, I wouldn’t know what to do.
And so it’s you and me, my best friend.
Forever…
together…
wherever we go.
~
I
wrote that poem for my BFF in high school twenty five years ago! Kind of silly, right? But I had the best kind of friend anyone
could hope for. We were inseparable; two-of-a-kind;
connected at the hip; best friends forever!
I don’t
remember a time in childhood without her.
We are only five days apart, me being the oldest. Both of us are adopted. Legend has it I was to be the adopted child
of her parents. Both of our parents had
gone through the extensive adoption and legal processes with the same state
agency. Both of them had already
received their first adopted children, theirs a son, her older brother and mine
a girl, my older sister. Her parents had
specifically requested for the second child to be a girl. My parents said they would take either
sex. And so, when I was born, a baby
girl being given up for adoption, it was natural to assume her parents would
get the call. But mine did.
So what does this make us then, with this strange twist of fate? Babies that are cosmically put into the hands and home of one parents and not the other? The other parents get the same call about another baby born only five days later. Both of us were born on the west side of the state and end up going to the same small rural city in the middle of the state. Our parents are friends and we end up being best friends.
Her
family became my second family, as I sought to make attachments outside of my
own painful home where people seemed to be leaving me, slowly, over the course
of time… one at a time. First it was my
biological mother, who at the young age of 17 gave me up. Then my adoptive father left our family when
I was only three and half. He proceeded
to take my brother away as he fought and won custody of him when I was entering
sixth grade. In my heart her parents
became my parents and she became my sister.
I
don’t think she ever met my dad until I was a senior in high school. It was almost as if I was living separate
lives. When I was with her and her
family, I didn’t talk about my dad. I
never took her on any trips with me to visit my dad at his home, over a four
hour drive away. I think I kept that
part of my life locked away, private, just for me. But she never judged me, or thought of me as
different from her. We didn’t talk about
him, the fact he wasn’t around and that I didn’t see him much. She pretended I was OK, right along with me.
t’s
very hard to explain to someone exactly what a best friend is or at least what
my best friend was to me. I think the clearest
way to describe it was that I thought of her as a second me. I imagine our bond to be something like the
bond of twin sisters. But that doesn’t
completely capture it. A sister is not
someone you choose for yourself. A
friend is chosen. Friendship is not a
forced bond. You have freedom. You have to nurture a friendship. You cannot take it or your friend for
granted, as though they will always be there, like a sister or family would
be.
I believed she would always be there for me…
She
was my everything. She was what I wanted
to be, a daughter to a happily married mom and dad. She had what I wanted to have… a mom and a
dad together, loving each other and loving her.
I shared everything with her and did everything with her. Being with her and her family made me feel
normal, loved, wanted. They completely
accepted me into their family. And for
that, I will always be grateful.
Throughout
school we both had other friends and boyfriends but our friendship remained the
primary one. And then came the summer
before our senior year in school. We
both got involved in the wrong crowd, she got more pulled-in then I did. We were both working at the local grocery
store. I was there one day when she came
into the store to see me. I remember
that she was dressed unusually nice for a casual summer day, wearing all
white. I asked her where she was going
and what she was doing. She replied “Nothing. I’m
not going anywhere, I just wanted to come in and say Hi.”
The
next day I learned from her parents that the day before she had run away. They had no idea where she had gone. Neither did I… she left them - scared,
unknowing, confused, angry, hurt. But
most importantly, to me… she left me.
Just like my birth mother, dad and brother did before her.
What life has taught me about Friendship…
Best
Friends are people too! They are human
and they make mistakes. They will make
us mad, disappoint us, break our hearts and cause us lots of tears IF we expect
them to be our everything! Only a
personal relationship with God can sustain us through all of the ups and downs
of life. Only He can love us
unconditionally, even though we don’t deserve it. That is why even the best of friends will
fail us at one time or another, just as we will fail them. But every morning you wake up, no matter what
happened the day before you can trust that God will be there to love you! One of my favorite verses in the Bible
comforts me in those rocky friendship moments.
After a major blowout when I’m not sure what will be waiting the next
day. When I am afraid that this may just
be the final straw for my friendship, I let God’s promises wash over me “Let the morning bring me word of your
unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” Psalms 143:8
Happy Ending…
Despite
the crushing hurt I felt when my best friend left me. Regardless of the hundreds of fights we have
had. Once I gave up the place of BFF to
a person, and trusted that space in my heart to God, I was able to accept my
friends for what they are –people!
After 43 years I am honored to still be loved by my childhood bestie. I know God has blessed me with her, a unique
gift specifically tailored for me. He
loved me so much He put her in my life so I could learn about His even greater
love!
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