What are you running from?

So, I signed up to run a half-marathon this May and I think I am having a change of heart. The question that keeps popping up in the back of my mind... What are you running from?

Now, if I was a runner, I'm pretty sure my thoughts would be What are you running towards? And in turn, I would have quick and easy answers like a goal, a finish line, a time, better health. But I am not a runner. My body was not made for running longer distances. I have to MAKE myself do every run.

What I lack in my running abilities I doubly make-up for in my competitiveness and in my drive. Ironically enough it was ME who said YES to this half-marathon. I was the one that convinced my two girlfriends we could do this. I convinced myself. Sure I could do this, I did it before in 2009. Sure I could do this, especially because I just turned 40. Sure I could do this... my friends are thinking they can, so if they can then I certainly can.

The problem is, I was a totally different person in 2009, when I ran my first 1/2. I was addicted to exercise. I was in a very unhealthy place - mentally. As a result of this addiction, I had the best physical body of my life. And I crave that body, still to this day. But I know there is a price to pay for it, that I am no longer willing to pay.

I have a strong tendency to be self-defeating. I have to fight it daily by wielding my shield of faith against the evil one. He will tempt me in the small things of life, like pride. Just think what you will look like if you run another 1/2... You need to prove you are still fit at your age.... you want others to admire your physical strength, don't you? What if you don't do this... you'll get fat. Nobody's going to like you that way...You aren't going to be good enough.

So now, I have to decide: Am I running for the good, or am I running from the taunts of the evil one whispering in my ear?

Each "race" that is presented to me in this life, I want to have the courage to run one way - and that is on the path the Lord has set for me, not my race, but His race!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

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